12 Things You Should Know About Louisville if You Want to Call it Home

A few years ago, I moved from my hometown of Greenville, South Carolina to Louisville, Kentucky.  My partner, AJ, and I went through many websites to research what we needed to know about our temporary home.  The most important thing I learned back then was this: It’s not Louie-ville, it’s Lou-uh-vuhl.  A few months ago, Movoto.com published an article titled “29 Things to Know About Louisville Before You Move There.”  The article has some good points, but is still a little tourist-focused.  Since my partner and I have now lived in Louisville for several years and bought a home here, I’ve decided to gift you with a little holiday gift.

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12 Things You Should Know About Louisville if You Want to Call it Home:

1. For serious, it’s “Lou-uh-vuhl,” not “Louie-ville.”

2. Comfy Cow has the best ice cream in town (try the Birthday Cake!)

3. You do not have to love bourbon to live in Louisville. 

I’ve lived in Louisville for years now and just had my first taste of something bourbon flavored at a conference recently.  Yes, if you have family or friends coming to visit, of course, grab some bourbon balls and a hot brown.  But for residents? Not a necessity.

4. Living in Southern Indiana is not the same as living in Louisville.

A friend of mine who had lived here for a few years told me this when I was swayed by the admittedly less expensive houses and apartments.  It is absolutely true–there is nothing like living in Louisville.

5. We are one of the most LGBT friendly cities in the South.

With a public university that can boast being one of the most LGBT friendly schools in the South, fairness ordinances, and a pretty liberal mayor, it’s just a great place to be.

6. Living in Louisville is kind of like being an Interdisciplinary Studies major in college.

Louisville living really is “choose your own adventure.”  Interested in all things New Age-y? We have tons of meditation and yoga classes and at least three Buddhist temples.  Looking for a more traditionally Southern atmosphere? Get a burger at Mussel and Burger Bar topped with a fried green tomato or take in a Sunday morning service at Crescent Hill Baptist Church.  Find all things hipster on Bardstown Road and all things hipster-meets-suburbanite on Frankfort Avenue.  Do you care about social justice? Check out University of Louisville’s Anne Braden Institute, the Fairness Campaign, or the Muhammad Ali Center.  Or you can be a conservative, New Age-y Southern Hipster cause we have it all and it’s all available to you.

7. Where you went to high school actually matters.

This is a decent sized city that feels more like a small town and the answer to “Where did you go to high school?” seems to make people think they can make a lot of assumptions about who you are.

8. It really is a big city/small town hybrid.

You might be able to get lost in the beauty of Cherokee Park for hours without anyone interrupting you, but if you head out to one of our many malls, local restaurants or Waterfront Park events, you will run into someone you know.  Or someone who knows ten people that you know.

9. Oh, the weather outside? It’s frightful. 

In my first year as a Louisville resident, I was stuck in a basement because, tornadoes, had to navigate my car through flooded streets, and experienced freezing cold winters, scorching summers and everything in between–sometimes within the span of a month.

10. Only tourists and bachelorettes go to 4th Street Live.

I learned this within my first few months here after proudly announcing that I’d attended a concert there.  Want to know a secret, though? It’s still a pretty cool place to be.

11. UofL versus UK? It ain’t just about sports.

Kentucky fans are some of the most passionate people on the planet, but which team you root for says something about who you are.  I won’t go into detail as to exactly what it says about you, but I will say this: GO CARDS!!!

12. Once you’re here, you’ll never want to leave.

Forget the Ohio River Valley allergies, the lack of coastline or the sadistic weather.  Louisville has it’s own brand of incredible magic and if you’re lucky enough to experience it, you’ll never want to move away.

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In the Corporation Called LIFE, who’s on your Happiness Committee?

I love Martha Beck. She’s a Harvard educated psychologist who has written several great books and contributes a monthly column to O, The Oprah Magazine. I picked up an old issue of O Magazine at Half Priced Books this weekend primarily to read whatever fabulous wisdom Martha was dispensing that month. And boy, was it good.

When you make decisions–having a baby, completing a PhD, or going skydiving–your internal committee (in psychology speak, your “generalized other”) has a big say in which choice you make–and why. We all have an internal committee–some of us have committees made up of a few people, others may have a committee of just one or two.  Personally, I know that my mother is definitely on my internal committee because I hear her voice every time I gain a pound or spend money on something frivolous. So when you make a mistake or are facing a big decision, who are the voices you hear in your head? Your mom or dad (or both)? Your third grade teacher? Angelina Jolie?

Though we may have many members of our internal committee, they all seem to become an amalgamation of one voice saying some pretty specific things.  Want to know what your committee thinks of you? Do the following quiz:

“Everyone wants me to ___________________________.”

“Everyone thinks I’m ___________________________.”

“Everyone expects me to ___________________________.”

“Everyone’s always telling me ___________________________.”

As Martha would say, now think of real people in your life who have told you some of the things you wrote in the blanks above (“You’re selfish,” “You’re mean,” “You aren’t very smart” “You should be a better uncle”).  Odds are, you’ve internalized the negative things these people have said about you and then projected them onto the world.  Maybe your dad didn’t think you’d ever amount to anything–that turns into “No one thinks I’ll ever amount to anything.”  And sadly, we give people spots on our committee because their opinions mean a lot to us–parents, grandparents, best friends, high school teachers–and we desperately want their approval but maybe they don’t deserve a spot on our committee.

Perhaps you’re in a great relationship now, but every time you begin opening up to your new partner about your ambitions, you remember that ex who said you were an idiot.  That ex does not deserve a spot on your mental committee because they are holding you back from achieving your goals and becoming the person you want to be.

I know this to be true in my own life.  I didn’t begin college until I was 22 because the people in my internal committee told me college was a waste of time for someone like me, I wouldn’t fit in with my friends anymore, I’d never be able to make it to graduation day.  It took meeting someone who thought I was intelligent, who never stopped encouraging me to be the person I knew deep down I could become–and giving her a spot on my internal committee–to finally take the big step of enrolling in community college.

So, how do you fix your mental committee?

First, find out which members aren’t there to help you become better–more authentic, more accepting of yourself, more compassionate, more successful.  (You’ll know them by their put downs.)

Now, kick them off your committee.

You may have just gotten rid of the entirety of your committee–or at least the loudest voices.  It’s okay to hear crickets for a minute because you’re creating a new committee–one you choose.

Now, chose a committee chair. It may be someone who is already a quiet and kind voice on your committee–so promote them.  Let their acceptance and love become louder.  Now add other encouraging, patient, kind, compassionate, inspiring, worthy people to your committee.  Perhaps you feel like you don’t know anyone who could step up and take on this role. That’s okay, too–it doesn’t have to be people you know; it can be famous people, dead people, famously dead people or anyone else you admire and feel deserves to be one of your cheerleaders.

Need help? Here are some examples: Gloria Steinem, Angelina Jolie, Barack Obama, Teddy Roosevelt, Maya Angelou, Laverne Cox, Janet Mock, Bill Gates, Michael J. Fox, Ellen DeGeneres, Shonda Rhimes, Olivia Pope (hey, why not?)…There are millions more to choose from.

Now, meet with your committee everyday for 90 days. How do you meet with people whom you’ve never met, who may actually be dead? Read their memoirs, watch their movies, listen to their political debates, check out their websites, find encouraging words they’ve written or spoken.

It’s time to let go of the people who tear you down instead of building you up.  The first step to doing that is yours to take.

My fiance AJ and my dog Page are the co-chairs of my committee. 10735194_295124744030220_870250791_a

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Crushing Career Dreams…One Student at a Time

One of the most challenging (and most fulfilling) parts of my job is knowing when to inject a career advising session with motivation and inspiration and when to be a little more realistic. See, I work with highly motivated students in two highly competitive fields–STEM and music. These fields are not for the faint of heart–they require an enormous amount of discipline, persistence, intelligence and hard work.

Every semester, I meet with dozens of students who are coming to an thorough understanding of the (sometimes) harsh realities involved in pursuing these types of careers.  It’s one thing to like math and science and be the best in your small high school–it’s quite another to realize that every student around you was also considered the best.  When the passion is still there, but the skill just isn’t (or vice versa) what’s a student to do?

I often walk a fine line in these meetings–see, I too reap the benefits and suffer the consequences of the “You can do anything you put your mind to!” rhetoric of the late 80s and 90s.  I don’t want to be the dream crusher who says, “You know, if you are working this hard and studying this much and still not making a C in your first semester of calculus or music theory, maybe you need to think about other careers.”  Personally, I love the TV show Grey’s Anatomy.  I love the idea of being a surgeon and saving lives.  But I’m terrible at math, I can’t remember names of body parts in Anatomy, and I have barely functional motor/mechanical skills.  I could spend ten years working like crazy and studying every hour of the day, but I simply don’t have the skills or natural talent required to be a physician.

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So, how does one help a student to figure out what they’re capable of realistically while also challenging them to explore and find new dreams, skills, and passions? With my students, I work on identifying and discussing their strengths, discuss other classes, interests, etc. they enjoyed during high school, and talking about every possible major that they express an interest in.  I never want a student to walk away from a meeting feeling as though they’ve lost something without also feeling like they’ve gained something else.  I do not ascribe to the idea that I must be a “no person” to be realistic and honest with my students.  Instead of using the tired notion that we can all do or be or accomplish anything (which has proven to be untrue time and time again) I utilize the theory that we all have strengths, interests, values and capabilities that can and will guide our careers–if we open ourselves up to this.

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Maybe Your Dream Job Doesn’t Exist

…at this moment.

When I was 8, I saw old Charlie’s Angels reruns on Nick at Nite and decided I wanted to be a police officer. The Angels were confident, glamorous, and in control.

When I was 13, I decided I wanted to be an actress.  Actors had the opportunity to entertain people and tell unlimited stories, living out their days in other people’s skin, which appealed to me at an age when I wanted to be anyone but me.

When I was 17, I decided I wanted to be a fashion designer.  I wanted to create things people could love, things that would change their lives or make them feel special.

When I was 21, I read a story in Glamour magazine about Lindsay Hyde, a Harvard undergrad who founded Strong Girls, Strong Women, an organization dedicated to helping girls learn and grow through stories of strong women.  I wanted to be Lindsay Hyde.

When I was 22, a speaker came to my office to do a workshop on women’s empowerment in the workplace. I wanted to do what she did.

What do I love? What am I passionate about? What causes matter to me? Where do I want to live? Who do I want to surround myself with? What do I value? What am I good at? Who do I want to become?

I still want to be confident. And glamorous.

I still want to entertain people and tell their stories.

I still want to create. I still want to change lives and make people feel special.

I want to make something new and original like Lindsay Hyde did.

I want to empower women.

And I really freakin’ love career stuff. There’s no job description on The Bureau of Labor Statistics website for what I want to do. There’s no opening on Indeed.com.  I’m creating my own dream job everyday, by volunteering and raising my hand for new opportunities and taking risks and not being afraid to try new things.

Ten people in your office may hold the same title. A million people in the country may have the same job description as you. So it’s up to you to figure out how you want to be a firefighter, supervisor, cashier, journalist, politician, nurse… and then find a way to do it.

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Personal Branding Lessons from Taylor Swift

I remember the first time I heard Taylor Swift’s first hit, “Tim McGraw.”  It was almost summertime and I was going through a breakup myself, so the lyrics were especially poignant. Back then, Taylor had long, curly hair and wore cowboy boots exclusively. Since then, Taylor’s style has changed in many ways and so has her personal brand.

Taylor as a Country Princess

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In 2007, Taylor Swift exploded into the country music world. With songs that name checked country music stars like Tim McGraw, it seemed as though she was destined to become the next female country star. From the beginning, however, her style veered a little more towards a fusion of country and pop. In rapid succession, “Tim McGraw” and her next hit, “Teardrops on My Guitar” were remixed to be more pop friendly and were in regular rotation on country and pop stations.

What does this teach us? Figure out what makes you unique–then use it.

How many of us have preconceived notions of what a lawyer looks like, how an artist should dress or how accountants act? Taylor is an example of an unconventional young female artist and an unconventional country (or pop) star. Many young female stars who come up in show business go in one of two directions: rejecting or rebelling against everything that made them popular as a child/teen actress to illustrate that they’ve grown or proclaiming their innocence (read: virginity) a la an early Britney Spears.

Which leads to lesson 2: Evolve your brand slowly.

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If you listen to Taylor’s Album “Fearless,” specifically songs like the title track, you can see hints of what was to come with her next album, “Speak Now” (in particular, the song “Sparks Fly”).  From songs on her 2012 album, “Red,” such as “I Knew You Were Trouble” and “22,” you can see the beginnings of her newer songs like “Shake It Off.”  Some people decide to do a complete 180 to change their image–they go from uber professional to bohemian artist or sweats wearing college student to conservative button downs. This can be a jolt for the people–your colleagues, friends, supervisors, etc.–who have grown accustomed to who you are (your brand or image) and can come off as being insincere.  Allow your personal brand to grow and evolve like you do–organically.

But–Have a Plan in Mind.

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I’m not naive enough to think that Taylor Swift’s newer image–from her fashion choices (straight hair! heels!) to her latest album–aren’t in some way calculated.  It’s important to have goals in mind and retool your brand in ways that feel authentic to you and are in line with your goals. So you want to be a manager? That doesn’t mean you start bossing around your co-workers. Instead, begin adding more managerial type clothing to your wardrobe (if you’re insure how, check out what the heads of your department wear) and begin taking on projects that require a higher level of responsibility.  Very few people can go from undergrad to CEO overnight. Always make sure that your image, or personal brand, is in line with who you are–and who you want to be.

And remember:

This–

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didn’t become this–

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overnight.

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Mindy Kaling Style on a Real World Budget

For the past several weeks, I’ve been OBSESSED with The Mindy Project. Mindy Kaling, best known for starring and writing The Office, stars as Mindy Lahiri, a NYC OB-Gyn.  The show centers around Mindy’s romantic adventures and her quirky colleagues at her practice. One of my very, very favorite things about TMP is that she’s not a size 2 and she wears bright, fun, form fitting clothing.  There’s an amazing blog, The Mindy Project Style, that chronicles every piece of clothing Mindy has worn for the past three seasons. While I love, love, love the blog for ideas on how to incorporate more of Mindy’s flirty, colorful style into my own wardrobe, I absolutely can’t afford most any of the pieces. I’ve been looking for a blog post that illustrates how to have Mindy quality style on a real world budget, but I couldn’t find anything, so I thought, why not write one?

Mindy’s Style

Mindy’s look is colorful and super girly without being childish. She often wears form-fitting dresses and pencil skirts, in “look at me” colors.

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She also loves patterned pieces and sweater vests with bright belts and statement jewelry.

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mp8mp6The more episodes I watched (I binge watched the show and finished all three seasons within a couple of weeks) the more I fell in love with her style and knew I had to work to incorporate more statement, figure loving, bright pieces into my own wardrobe.  But how to do that on a budget? I began checking out websites like Asos, Burlington Coat Factory, and TJ Maxx to look for inexpensive patterned blouses, colorful sweater vests, and larger pieces of jewelry.  My wardrobe isn’t Mindy ready yet, but here a few things I found:

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This TJ Maxx sheath dress is a steal at $39.99

LOVE this figure flattering houndstooth dress, TJ Maxx, $39.99

LOVE this figure flattering houndstooth dress, TJ Maxx, $39.99

This one has a really fun pattern. (TJ Maxx, $49.99)

This one has a really fun pattern. (TJ Maxx, $49.99)

Mindy loves brightly colored coats during the winter, so my next stop was Burlington Coat Factory. There, I found (and bought) an adorable wool coat similar to this one:

Green trench, Burlington Coat Factory, $69.99

Green trench, Burlington Coat Factory, $69.99

If, like me, you have some decent basics (jeans, white tops, black skirts and pants, etc.) then a quick (and relatively inexpensive) way to Mindy-up your wardrobe is to add fun and colorful scarves, statement necklaces, and tights.

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Statement necklace, $27.99. Target.com

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Polka dot tights, $10.00. Target.com

Multi-colored earrings, $15.99. Target.com

Multi-colored earrings, $15.99. Target.com

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Houndstooth scarf, $19.99. Target.com

Plaid tights, $5.00. Target.com

Plaid tights, $5.00. Target.com

For other Mindy-style pieces on a budget, I recommend HM.com for fun skirts and dresses, The Limited for colorful sweaters, and Ideel.com, a flash sale-based site.

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Workplace Resources for LGBTQ Employees and Their Allies

After my last post on becoming a more proactive LGBTQ ally in the workplace, I received requests for resources on how to find out if a workplace is LGBTQ friendly and tools to become a better ally. Below I’ve included websites with information on finding out how LGBTQ inclusive your workplace is and tips to being a more proactive ally.

Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index

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Human Rights Campaign Foundation’s 2014 Corporate Equality Index is the national benchmarking tool on corporate policies and practices pertinent to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender employees.

In the 2014 CEI report, 304 major businesses — spanning nearly every industry and geography — earned a top score of 100 percent and the distinction of “Best Places to Work for LGBT Equality.”

Human Rights Campaign’s booklet, The Cost of The Closet and the Rewards of Inclusion

In this follow-up to the groundbreaking 2009 study, Degrees of Equality, the Human Rights Campaign Foundation has studied the national picture of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender workers’ experiences of inclusion on the job as contrasting with the perceptions of their non-LGBT coworkers on issues. The study reveals that despite a changing social and legal landscape for LGBT people, still over half (53 percent) of LGBT workers nationwide hide who they are at work.

Pride at Work

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Pride at Work is a national non-profit organization that seeks full equality for LGBTQ individuals in the workplace. The site features relevant issues, ways to get involved with legislation, and resources for LGBTQ workers.

Pride at Work also offers information on issues Trans people face in the workplace, including healthcare needs and discrimination.

Out Professionals

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Touted as the nation’s leading LGBT networking association, Out Professionals provides information on finding jobs and connecting with other LGBTQ employees.

Out and Equal

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Out & Equal is committed to creating safe and equitable workplace environments for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender employees. We believe that people should be judged by the work they do, not by their sexual orientation or gender identity. Every day, we work to protect and empower employees to be productive and successful—so they can support themselves, their families, and contribute to achieving a world free of discrimination for everyone.

Out for Work

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Out for Work functions as a complimentary component in the total educational experience of LGBT students, primarily in the development, evaluation, initiation and implementation of career plans and opportunities. OFW’s programs, resources and services provide assistance to students in the cultivation and enhancement of skills to explore career options, master search techniques and strategies and research employment opportunities.

National Center for Transgender Equality

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The National Center for Transgender Equality is a national social justice organization devoted to ending discrimination and violence against transgender people through education and advocacy on national issues of importance to transgender people.

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